are you a safe person to yourself?
We often hear about “being a safe person” for others—someone who listens without judgment, respects boundaries, and offers presence instead of solutions. But how often do we extend that same safety to ourselves?
Many of us are quick to shame, dismiss, or abandon ourselves in moments we most need care. We may minimize our pain, override our needs, or talk to ourselves in ways we would never speak to someone we love. If you've ever caught yourself thinking, “Why am I like this?” or “I should be over this by now,” you’re not alone.
But here's the truth: you deserve to feel safe inside your own body, your mind, and your own heart.
So, what does it mean to be a safe person to yourself, and how can you begin?
1. Listen to your inner world without judgment
Start by becoming a gentle observer of your thoughts, feelings, and bodily sensations. When something arises—grief, anger, fear, even numbness—notice it without jumping into “fix it” mode.
Safe self-talk sounds like:
“This is what I’m feeling right now. It makes sense, given what I’ve been through.”
It doesn’t mean you have to like how you feel. It means you don’t exile any part of yourself for showing up.
2. Stop gaslighting your needs
Being a safe person to yourself means validating your needs, even the inconvenient ones. Needing rest, reassurance, boundaries, or space isn’t a sign of weakness. It’s being human.
Unsafe self-talk sounds like:
“You’re being dramatic. Other people have it worse.”Safe self-talk sounds like:
“My needs are real, and they matter. I get to take up space.”
3. Create a non-punishing relationship with your emotions
So many of us were taught that emotions are problems to solve or threats to control. But emotions are messengers, not enemies. When you feel sad, anxious, ashamed, or overwhelmed, ask:
“What is this emotion trying to protect or tell me?”
And follow up with:
“How can I hold space for it without making myself wrong for feeling it?”
4. Recognize when your survival brain is running the show
Sometimes we spiral into self-criticism or shut down not because we're “broken,” but because an old protective pattern got activated. Being a safe person to yourself includes understanding your triggers without shaming yourself for them.
Safety might sound like:
“Ah, I notice I’m getting defensive. Something in me doesn’t feel safe. What would help me feel more grounded right now?”
You’re not failing—you’re trying to stay safe. There’s wisdom in that.
5. Commit to self-consistency, not perfection
A safe person is someone you can count on. That includes you. Show yourself you’ll keep returning, even after a spiral, setback, or breakdown. You don’t have to always get it “right.” What matters is that you don’t leave yourself behind.
Instead of:
“Ugh, I did it again. I always mess things up.”Try:
“I notice I went back into an old pattern. That makes sense. I can choose something different now.”
6. Cultivate inner dialogue rooted in love, not fear
Your inner voice sets the tone for how safe it feels to be you. Is it shaming, critical, or harsh? Or is it kind, honest, and encouraging?
Being safe to yourself means learning to talk to yourself like someone who deeply loves you.
Even when you’re messy. Even when you’re afraid. Especially then.
Becoming a safe person to yourself isn’t a switch you flip. It’s a practice, a commitment to unlearning self-abandonment and choosing self-honoring again and again.
There may be days when your inner world feels loud and chaotic, and being with yourself feels hard. That’s okay. You don’t need to be perfectly healed to be safe for yourself.
You just need to keep showing up with curiosity, care, and compassion.
Because you are not a problem to be fixed. You are someone to come home to.
How Spinal Energetics Supports This Work:
Spinal Energetics creates a space where your body is invited to feel safe enough to soften, release, and express without needing to “explain” or intellectualize your experience.
Each session encourages:
Nervous system attunement: helping you move from chronic activation into a more regulated, grounded state.
Reconnection with self: facilitating moments of presence where you can listen to what your body is truly asking for.
Emotional permission: allowing suppressed feelings to move safely through the system—anger, grief, joy, laughter—without judgment.
When you’re held in a space of non-verbal, energetic safety, your system begins to learn: “I don’t have to abandon myself anymore. I can trust what’s moving through me.”
You don’t have to figure it all out alone. Spinal Energetics can help you rebuild that inner bridge gently, at your own pace. And when you're ready, I’d be honoured to hold that space with you.
If this touched your heart, hop over to these posts to learn more:
https://www.soulshine.sg/blog/how-did-we-become-our-biggest-bully
https://www.soulshine.sg/blog/how-being-unsafe-to-ourselves-affects-our-nervous-system-physiology-amp-healing
